Mathematical Jokes...

Mathematicians are not noted for their senses of humour, so this collection of mathematical jokes is not particularly long, however, might find something you like here.

What shape is a kiss?
E-lip-tical

Three Red-Indians get married, and each present their squaws with a gift to sit on, to aid their fertility. The first indian presents his wife with the hide of a buffalo. The second indian presents his wife with the hide of a bear. The third indian presents his wife with the hide of a hippopotamus. When the other two indians saw this they were much amused, and said,

"That will never work. Whoever heard of a hippopotamus hide as an aid to fertility?"

Anyway, a year later, the first squaw who had sat on the buffalo hide had given birth to a son. The squaw who had sat on the bear hide had given birth to twins. The squaw who had sat on the hippopotamus hide had given birth to triplets. Upon discovering this, the third indian went back to his mates, and said,

"It just goes to show you, the children of the squaw on the hippopotamus are equal to the sum of the children of the squaws on the other two hides!

Various people attempt to prove the conjecture that all odd numbers are primes:

The physisist says, "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is experimental error, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, so all odd numbers are prime."
The engineer says, "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 isn't prime, but its close enough, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, so all odd numbers are prime."
The economists says, "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 isn't prime, but we expect it to be in 2 years time, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, so all odd numbers are prime."
The cosmologist says, "3 is prime, so all odd numbers are prime."
The surrealist says "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is a fish, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, so all odd numbers are prime."

How does a mathematician cure constipation?
He works it out with a pencil.

A bunch of mathematics students and a bunch of geography students travel to London on a train to attend a series of lectures. Before they travel, the geography students all buy a ticket each, but the mathematicians only buy one ticket. When the guard comes down the train to check tickets, all the mathematics students cram into the toilet, and when the guard knocks on the door, they pass the ticket under the door to be checked.

The geography students think that this is a good idea, so on the return journey, they just buy one ticket, and the mathematics students don't buy any tickets at all. When the geography students climb into a toilet, one of the maths students knocks on the door, the geography students pass the ticket under the door, and the mathematician takes it.

...And one non-mathematical joke

This joke is not very mathematical, but my friend Siân told me it, and it's the only joke she's ever told me,

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and asks for a pint of beer, and the barman says,

"I'm sorry, we don't serve food."

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Last updated 9th April, 1998